New website!!

Hi all!! I have officially moved my website here. Thank you so much to everyone who has accompanied me on this WordPress journey and to all my followers who have read and liked my posts. I will still be blogging on there regularly if you are still interested, but for now, sayonara ❤

Welcome Home. Finally.

I don’t think I ever really absorbed the depth of the phrase, “you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.” I understood it conceptually, but to experience it is a whole different level. It’s so common that it’s almost silent when it is uttered, and it flies over your head without a second thought.

Yes, I guess I could be talking about friends who I have lost in the past or past relationships that I still miss. Those are the personal connections that come and go in my life that I will undoubtedly learn to appreciate more as I reminisce about the memories associated with them, but those are only the smaller component in the wider scope of what I’ve come to realize after leaving my college campus in a rush due to the pandemic.

I learned to love my hometown. And hate it. It’s complicated. We’re working on it.

Continue reading “Welcome Home. Finally.”

The Asian Image Amidst COVID-19

It’s hard to accept change as the new every day. It is the human condition to thrive in familiarity: when I was living on campus and had to balance classes and extracurriculars and events, I would plan my days out to the second on Google Calendar. It was my best friend. Right now, though, our relationship isn’t as strong: I’m learning to live in the moment. But that’s a topic for another day.

Change doesn’t come out of nowhere, and when people have a hard time dealing with change, it’s natural to want to place the blame on somebody or something. Unfortunately, this pandemic has led to the blame being placed in large part on the Chinese. It’s reflected in the way that COVID-19 was dubbed as the “Chinese virus” just because the first cases were seen in Wuhan. 

Continue reading “The Asian Image Amidst COVID-19”

An excerpt that I liked

I was reading an article by Trisha Low called “Against Pure Cinema” and I came across this excerpt that I wanted to share:

it is very complicated to make art about race when you are a raced person making art; when you want to show the shadows as well as the light 

there is no identity that does not elide another, there is no person who occupies only one identity position, there is no material circumstance that cannot swallow it all

there no ideology that will protect you from being chased down the street by people who are trying to kill you

there is no art that can be fully positive about expressing identity, especially when the world is not affirming of any experience of otherness. humans are not made to be unfeeling about being othered. we live in the world and the world is not correct; art that exists within it is not correct either

at the same time as i am not invested in art being “correct” i acknowledge that there are some things that are undeniably wrong

there is no identity category that makes you immune to being an asshole

i have many privileges, the financial stability to make art being one, but a privilege i do not enjoy is immunity from the burden of having to consider, at every moment, whether or not the way i live my identity is “correct,” and corollary to this, whether the way that i perform it in my art is “correct,” and corollary to that, whether people’s perceptions of my identity will affect the way they view my work

all this sometimes feels more important than the art i am trying to make (this form, style, affect) to everyone but myself

sometimes, hearing the word “diversity” in relation to issues of curation feels like a matter of “correctness.” it makes me feel like you think this is something that can just be rectified or accomplished, as though fixing a lineup is like repairing a door, like you are talking and it seems so easy to talk about it you are talking about it all day, but i don’t know what to say, i have nothing to say to you like i have to live this, this is my life and life is neither correct nor simple

From Trisha Low’s “Against Pure Cinema” (2019)
https://openspace.sfmoma.org/2019/03/against-pure-cinema/

To the bottle of window cleaner sitting in the corner of my room

I’m sorry. I really am.

I built our relationship on the unstable foundations of promise and purpose, telling you every day that you were going to be put to work. I had dreams that you would eradicate the dirt and fingerprints that blur the panes of my windows, but alas, 20 days have passed and you have not moved from your own little corner.

I am guilty of including you in my planner, carefully scratching down the words “clean windows” with my smooth, dark black gel pen, only to put off that bullet point in lieu of making pointless Tik Toks in my room. I am wrong to instill in you a purpose that you are waiting every day to act on. I led you on, but never admitted that you were not a priority to me. It was easy to overlook you when you were there everyday. I chose the activities that brought me greater excitement, had a sense of new to them that I could indulge in.

There may come a day where I will return you to your dark spot under the bathroom sink without utilizing you because I am simply too lazy to go downstairs and grab paper towels from the kitchen. And when I do go in the kitchen, what does it say about our relationship when I forget to bring back the one thing that complements you and fulfills your purpose?

I will let you sit there for a few more days, accumulating more specks of dust. Maybe circumstances will change and my mentality will focus in on you. I thank you for waiting for me for so long, so patiently. Your service is appreciated.

Superficiality: A Modern Tragedy

Every experience is different. It is important for me to recognize that before I delve into anything deeper than I rightfully should. Every individual has their own unique set of values that guide them along different paths to meet different people, and it’s these same values that may determine how people connect with one another and how long these relationships last.

I want to discuss not individual links but rather a seemingly impermeable layer of interaction that has invaded our everyday lives and reroutes the way we choose to meet new people.

I call this the superficial layer that almost everyone encounters when they meet one another.

Continue reading “Superficiality: A Modern Tragedy”

The Sentimental *Return* of the Receipt

Before I left home to go back to college for Thanksgiving break, I opened the smaller compartment of my wallet and took out all of the receipts I had accumulated over the past month. Each one was carefully folded into thirds, fourths, fifths, and so on depending on the size of my purchase and how many surveys the company wanted me to take in order to get customer feedback. I was in a hurry to get to the airport, so I tossed these little beings onto my desk in a messy pile. They weren’t waiting to be touched again or looked at. They were just there to be.

I came home again a few days ago and saw this pile on my desk. The first thought that came to my mind was, “How could I have been so irresponsible to discard them like that instead of throwing them away in the first place?”. Of course, since this was my thought, it wasn’t *that* elegantly phrased. But nevertheless, these were receipts. These were transaction records that were no longer needed since I couldn’t return the food that had already been consumed or the shirt whose tag I ripped off months ago.

So why hang on to these strips of paper?

Continue reading “The Sentimental *Return* of the Receipt”

Clouds

I recently spent a weekend with my dorm friends in an AirBnb in the middle of the woods near a small lake. I will admit that the location itself was kind of bland because the only thing to explore was the lake, but it got me thinking a lot about what constitutes our environment around us and how that may affect our thought processes.

I think we undervalue the presence of clouds in our lives. I grew up in Washington where there was no one day where the clouds were absent from the gray sky, providing the atmosphere that is so commonly associated with the Pacific Northwest. I grew desensitized to those bodies that oversaw my 18 years there, but upon moving to California, the first thing I noticed was the sky. It was flat. It was 2D. There was nothing to indicate dimension and it saddened me to not have any signs of distance in the altitude above me. My eyes were accustomed to layers and levels of the sky that were so large in numbers that I couldn’t distinguish them all.

Continue reading “Clouds”

Saying Goodbye to Freshman Year

    Coronavirus. You hear it all everywhere, from the conversation happening at the table to the TV playing in the background. It’s almost as if the word is as infectious as the disease itself. Will you catch it? Will you give into the temptation of weighing in your opinion on the epidemic? And when you do, will your opinion even matter?

Fear of catching this virus has driven universities all around the country to close down campuses because as seen in the senior homes in Kirkland, WA, people living in close quarters is the perfect ground for the virus to thrive. In less than a day, six of my friends left for home and suddenly the campus felt unhealthily vacant. Things are changing, and it’s going too fast for me to process. COVID-19 brought upon this community unforeseen circumstances that we did not project before.

Continue reading “Saying Goodbye to Freshman Year”